I came from an alcoholic, violent, and incestuous family. I am the youngest of 6 children – 4 girls/2 boys. We are all grown adults with grown children of our own.
My sister (18 months older than me) has always been an angry bully to everyone, but especially to me. I always forgave her because besides being victimized myself, I witnessed what was done to her and felt great sympathy and protection. The final straw came this year when her husband, who I have known since childhood, propositioned me for sex…wanting to stay married to her and have sex with me. I refused and I told her about it. I even went with them to their marriage counselor where I expressed I felt like “the family whore” i.e. each sexual predator could come for me. Needless to say, she has once again kicked me out of her life, bonded to and protected her husband. My family knows the truth about what happened only to minimize and rationalize his behavior and hers.
Listening to your show, I came to understand better how to set boundaries with people who don’t love and respect me. I no longer feel I have to “understand and forgive” her or him or any of them. I can’t continue to be an example to my daughter about self respect if I remain involved with these people. So I am living my life with a renewed sense of who I am, my self worth, and who truly gets to decide how my life will be…..and that is me.I don’t always agree with you but you certainly challenge my thinking, which helps me clarify my values. Thank you.