“Love and relationship is meant to be more than a safety net, that companion. A pet can provide that. A lover will give you more.”
How can we increase the possibility of developing more within a growing relationship and not just a casual dating scenario that leads nowhere?
We visualize this false perception of being a couple after a few dates when our partner has a completely different idea of what dating means.
We all want transparency. Guessing games become filled with unnecessary anxieties about where we fit within the relationship.
The real-life vulnerable moments most are fearful to embrace, block potential success in any relationship. We hold up walls of insecurities to protect our fragile souls. A first-time vulnerable experience opens up inner strength. Embracing this power, we are more open to unimaginable challenges. These emotional risks allow for a complete organic understanding of self, separate from those we are trying to give a false impression.
We begin to use both head and heart in decision making when it comes to being open. With this power of clarity comes great responsibility. Intellectual and rational thought are favored in place of insecurity and fear or anxiety.
Five important points to remember when looking to go from dating to a real relationship.
- Friendship: A sense of friendship is an important foundation for a beginning connection. So often this is what forms the basis for a long-lasting relationship. The mental resonances that deeply matter as well as an emotional one becomes seductive on so many levels.
- Intellectual stimulation: The importance of communicating on similar levels opens up a plethora of internal knowledge based on past experiences, patterns, and how effective we relate to one another on that level. It can be either exciting or boring.
- Commonality in interests, values, stage of lives experiences: Doing together as a unit with respect and admiration captivates the couple to want to be together. How we approach each other in desires and the foundation from which we come from may have an impact on reacting to one another. Understanding the differences may be crucial in being empathetic and supportive.
- Trust: Comfort in feeling safe with that person in our lives allows for the freedom of individual vulnerabilities. The openness allowing the other person into our personal space gives way to a special intimate bond only the two partners can share.
- Clarity: Fear is no longer the enemy of our thoughts. We become empowered, free to express ourselves emotionally, spiritually, physically and intellectually within the boundaries of our new relationship. The consequence may be great but unless we are secure within ourselves and willing to circumvent that potential downfall we’ll never know if our actions may end up being blissfully successful.
- Honesty: The ideal relationship is built on honesty where both partners feel permission to be themselves totally and completely while constantly challenging one another to grow.
The foundation for satisfaction and contentment in a healthy relationship requires a willingness to be vulnerable. Opening up our insecurities and fears to someone new without the pre-established groundwork typical of a first time date takes strength.
Facing the challenges and being able to unfreeze preexisting anxieties allows for a complete understanding of one’s self. Separate from those we are trying to fool or give a false impression of ourselves. This illusion when first relating to a person is disingenuous. It will eventually be discovered as such and rejection follows.
To help increase the probability of going from dating to a relationship requires this deeper core significant level of emotional, spiritual and mutual respectful reciprocation of our differences and willingness to work towards a special connection that is not found in dating alone.
Ann Reichardt earned her Bachelor of Science degree in Nursing and a Bachelor of Arts in Art Education. Before retirement, she taught language arts at the secondary level and went on to become a clinical nurse practitioner in the medical, surgical field working in a hospital, clinical and public health settings. “The Dance Card” Looking for Love After Divorce is her first published memoir. “The New Dance Card” chronicles her eight-year journey of online dating. Where are they now? Was there success in finding true love? For more information visit www.annreichardt.com. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.