Many wives who reach out to me do so because they are not getting the response that they hoped for by their cheating husbands. Sometimes, he is a receptor to end the affair or to show much remorse. Other times, he may unenthusiastically end the affair and promise to try to save the marriage, but the entire effort feels sort of half hearted and seess to fall short of what the wife truly wants. Some wives will describe this as "taking the easy way out."
Here's an example. Someone might say: "I found out that my husband is cheating with a woman that makes deliveries to his office. her all the time. When I talked to him, he agreed to end it and said that it did not mean anything to him anyway. step away from the front of the office when she came in for deliveries so that he would not have to see her. But these are really the only concessions that he seems willing to make. contact or explore why he might have cheated. He's not even given me a heart-felt apology or shared any of his feelings with me. He's not done romantic things or tried to show me what I mean to him. seling. It is as if he thinks he will simply say he's sorry, step away from his desk once per day, and expect me to believe that I do not have to worry about him cheating again. Honestly, I'm already worried about that – as well as the idea that he has not completely broken it off. And I find myself wondering if this type of anxiety and unease is going to be my new normal. Do I have a right to ask him not to take the easy way out? "
You absolutely have a right. (Although I suspect that many husbands in this scenario will tell you that they do not think that they have it very "easy.") They'll tell you that it's very embarrassing and shameful to be done in this way. They'll tell you that things will be awkward at work. And they'll tell you that they are sorry, even if you assume that they are not. (I'm not saying that they are right here, but this is what they often think.)
Still, you have every right to tell your husband what you require to make this better. None of this was your fault and if you have things that need to happen in order to make you feel more secure, then you deserve for those things to happen. That said, he may not know about these things unless you tell him. As much as we might like for him to be able to, he can not read our minds.
And if he's like many men, he will not make any effort unless we require it of him. Because let's face it. Human nature means that most of us want to make life as easy as possible – especially when it is painful or embarrassing to face up to our mistakes. That said, it's understandable that this type of avoidance is unacceptable to you because it means that you can not have the confidence that it's safe to trust him. You're only guessing or having blind faith because he has not shared his thought process with you and he's doing no work to explore why this happened (as well as what might keep it from happening again.) And These things are not too much to ask of him, at least in my opinion (although I'm admittedly biased.)
You may have to spell it out for him by saying something like: "I'm glad that you've broken it off and have promised not to interact with her anymore, but honestly, that's not enough enough for me. we need to spend some time wondering why this happened. I need to totally believe that you are completely and completely sorry. , but more than that, it is going to take effort. I'm waiting to see that effort. what I am saying? Is there a way that I can explain it better? Perhaps if you were able to put yourself in my shoes and ask yourself what you might need from me if I had been the one to cheat on you, that role reversal might help us. "
Allow him time to think about what you've said, but after that, you should see more effort. If you do not, then you may have to speak up again until it sinks in that you are not going to settle for a half-hearted effort. Often, husbands need to be made aware of our expectations. I agree with you that you have every right to expect him to rise to the occasion.
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