Dear Dr. Laura,
I am one very happy girl these days and I believe it is your fault. My husband and I married last November after dating for 7 years. We waited until we were 25 and a little more mature to take the leap. We are LDS, so we did not make love until our wedding night, believe it or not.
After about 8 months I realized I was the only person in our home who was initiating intimacy. After dropping hint after ignored hint, I finally, and calmly, asked him why he was not interested in pursuing sex. His answer was a bit of a kick in the pants. He said, “You don’t support me. Who wants to be intimate with someone who is doing that to them?” Here I had thought sex was all he needed for my man of a husband. I immediately went into a “How do I fix this by tomorrow?” frenzy. I felt helpless, as I had to wait for opportunities to prove I had heard his message loud and clear. I even emailed you. Your suggestion was to buy your book, as you covered the topic. I purchased “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”, along with a book with a book about some exciting new bedroom stuff, and went to work.
So one by one little things happened allowing me to stand behind his ideas. Little things that I didn’t even consider before like decorating ideas, his opinion about the weekly menu, and what HE wanted to spend our little extra cash on. It came to a head yesterday. He is a very talented drummer and needs new cymbals. He KNOWS it pains me to spend hundreds on his drum equipment when what I want is only $40 (these are selfish thoughts I still fight). To further my proving-it-to-him plan, I went and researched prices on cymbals, told him the details, and purchased the one he needs most. You know what he did? He said “I know my hobby is expensive and you don’t like to spend the money, but I really appreciate your support.” It’s like he knew my plan all along! Then, out of the blue later that day, this strong-silent-type man sent a text to me saying, “I love you.” I swear to you, I cried. He hasn’t told me that without me saying it first in months. So this gross pimple in our lives is clearing up and I am on my way to continuing this gloriously happy marriage with the man I have loved since I was 17.
Thank you so much for your role in that.