I started thinking of why I stayed in a neglectful and bad marriage. I believe my reasons were in this order:
1. We had two teenage children that I didn’t want to have visit. This just wasn’t something I could accept.
2. Financial uncertainties. But now looking back on it, one of the abuses of my wife was that she spent the lions’ share of disposable income on herself. Once divorced, I came out ahead. I was able to pay off bills and save money. Plus I was more focused at work and therefore earned more.
3. I projected my values, religious beliefs and ideas on to her, believing she shared my commitment and wanted what I wanted.
4. Afraid of change. Looking back after the kids got to be 18 and we did divorce the change was so healthy for me, I wonder why this was a concern.
5. Being alone. Again after the divorce, mixing in groups and meeting new friends, I realized how “alone” I actually was in the marriage.